Saturday, August 8, 2009

Trust me. I'm an Expert.

In the game of golf there are good golfers, there are bad golfers, and there are Experts. A person who is good at golf is someone who can score really low...period...and a bad golfer is one who typically scores quite high, but who will score low enough just often enough to keep his golf habit alive. But one of the things I most love about golf is that a person doesn't have to actually be good in order to be an Expert. An Expert at golf is someone who can coach or critique others in the sport but may not necessarily be good themselves. I've noticed through the years that there are a lot of Experts in golf. I should know...I am one myself.

When someone hits a bad shot it is easy to point to something that may or may not have contributed to the genesis of the poor shot. The mere mention of these observations of another's swing is what makes one appear to be an Expert. You see, the golf swing has hundreds of components and pieces that must come together with perfect complexity in order to make the right connection of the clubface hitting the ball and therefore creating what we call in golf lingo, a "good shot." It takes just one of those pieces to be missing or misplaced and you end up with what golfers would call a "bad shot," which also goes by other creative pseudonyms such as, "damn it", "why?", "where did that come from!", "I hate this game", or for the worst of all bad shots, "I quit."

There is never a shortage of reasons for why the bad shot happened, nor is there ever a shortage of fellow golfers who are willing to point out what caused it. Your stance was too narrow. Your stance was too wide. You had your clubface open at impact. Your clubface was closed at impact. You're swinging too far away from your body. You're swinging much too close to your body. Your arms were too bent. Your arms were too straight. Your weight was all on your toes. Your weight was back on your heels. Your head popped up, your butt was out too far, your hips swung out...blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah, and blah.

Never mind my score. Forget the fact that you are actually beating me. What I'm telling you will change your game and take you to that next level. Trust me, I'm an Expert. I have an eye for these things.

That's why I think being a caddie would be such an easy job. You're not playing, you're just telling the player what to do.

"Go pitching wedge. Definitely pitching."

"Are you sure? I was thinking a strong nine. I don't think I'll get there with a pitching."

"Trust me, it's the pitching wedge you want. It'll put you right in the center of the green."

"All right."

The ball is struck and falls ten yards short of the green.

"See. I told you I should have gone nine."

"No, it was the right club. You just had the clubface closed a bit at impact and were swinging off of your toes. Trust me. I'm an Expert."


Natalie said...

Jared, I knew you liked golf, but I had no idea that you considered yourself an expert. Please send me a list of all things you are expert at...I may need you at some point!

Captain Emus said...

Luckily I never hit bad shots so the Experts have nothing to say...except "I can't believe you won the Orem Open again."

Life is just too funny to be taken so seriously