Tuesday, July 30, 2013

To Bee or Not to Bee, That is the Question

So this morning at work in honor of the high number of bee stings some of our employees have been experiencing this summer I decided to read of some interesting bee facts during our weekly safety meeting. Here is a list of some of those facts (in quotes) and a few of my own thoughts on them as well.

“Bees can count to four.” – Big deal. Can they count backwards from four. All other numbers elude them I guess.

“Honey bees can fly up to 15 miles per hour.” – They have been recorded at even faster speeds than that but usually when stuck to the windshield of a moving vehicle. I guess there is a rule or something about the bees having to be alive in order for the speed to officially count. Dumb rule if you ask me.

“Bees and wasps are some of the most feared insects due to their ability to sting and their great mobility.” – This is why I refer to them as the ninjas of the insect world.

“There are 314 million people who currently live in the US. Bee stings cause between 40-60 deaths each year on average in the US.” – What I gather from all of this is that you have a much greater chance of dying from a bee sting if you are actually stung by a bee than you would if you weren’t stung by a bee. Scary stuff.

“Honey bees will travel up to 3 miles from their hive in search of food.” – Lazy insects. I’ve been known to travel over 20 miles just to get to the nearest McDonalds for food and that includes during rush hour.

“The Honey bee Queen may lay 600-800 or even 1,500 eggs each day during her lifetime.” – This is where the expression “busy bee” comes from. It’s much nicer than saying “bee slut.”

“The only insect who produces food for humans are honey bees.” – Oh really? Then what is it that my collection of dung beetles produces that I’ve been eating all of these years, if not food? It makes a great cracker spread, that’s all I know.

“Honey bees never sleep.” – Who could, with that constant and annoying buzzing sound around all the time? No wonder why bees are so easily angered…they are tired all the time.

“Wasps that have consumed fermented juices have been observed, eventually, to become drunk and pass out.” – If they get caught flying drunk they are likely to get a BUI (Buzzing Under the Influence). Is this considered “sleeping on the job” if Worker bees are caught doing this? You’d have to think that the Queen bee would always be drunk with as many kids as she has, or at least she’s gotta have a good “buzz” going all the time. Get it buzz?

“Bees can recognize human faces.” – Which is why you should never commit a crime in front of a bee because they’ll recognize your face in a police lineup. Also don’t commit a crime in front of an elephant because obviously, they never forget. I hear the F.bee.I is looking at using bees in helping identify people out of large crowds.

“The only bees that die after they sting you are honey bees.” – Live like a honey bee, die like a honey bee, is what I always say.

“Wasps on the other hand are able to sting repeatedly.” – It’s no wonder why I hate wasps so much.

“Bees communicate with each other by dancing and by using pheromones.” – Pheromones are a nice way of saying “farts and body odor.”

“Brains of bees are the size of a sesame seed.” – Which explains why they can only count to four…it’s all they have room for. But it doesn’t explain why they are so good at recognizing people’s faces.

“Honey bees have to consume about 8 pounds of food to produce one pound of beeswax.” – That’s nothing…I have to consume a whole heck of a lot of food just to produce a little ear wax.

“Honey bees are responsible for pollinating approximately 80% of all fruit, vegetables, and seed crops in the US.” – The other 20% of fruits, vegetables, and seed crops in the US are pollinated at the hands of illegal immigrants. It’s no wonder the bee population is on the decline…Illegal immigrants are taking all their jobs.

“Honey bees are designated “state insect” in 12 different states.” – But if you ask any bees how many states they are listed as the “state insect” in, the answer is always the same…four!

“Honey bees do not actually “make” honey, but instead they convert the nectar they gather from the flowers to the thicker honey, by constantly regurgitating it and allowing it to dehydrate.” – Makes me wonder what our puke might taste like if we put it through the same process. Yummy!

“The honey bee is believed to be introduced to this continent by the European Settlers and Native American’s referred to the honey bee as the “White Man’s Fly.”” – I’ve heard the same expression before, only it was when I accidently had the zipper to my pants down in a predominately black neighborhood.

“The Queen bee receives about 90,000,000 sperm from mating with a male but she controls how they are used.” – Nice to see females are the same no matter the species…like to be in control.

Life is just too funny to be taken so seriously