The Best Method for Picking a Winning March Madness Bracket

Believe it or not, it’s that time of year again. And no I am not talking about daylight savings time or Easter or even spring (although I do love spring). What I’m talking about is the NCAA Basketball Championship, also known affectionately as March Madness or the Big Dance. I think most of you might know what I’m talking about… that crazy time of year when filling out brackets and discussing obscure basketball teams while gathered around the water cooler during breaks at the office is as common as TMZ exposing Charlie Sheen’s latest crazy shenanigans (I mean seriously, what’s up with that guy?); the time of year where everyone is pretending to work but in reality is tuning into the games via the computer, smart phones, or television sets; you know, that time of year where going to work is actually enjoyable because very little work is actually being done.

Gone are the phrases, “Have you seen the price of gas lately?” “Can you believe what’s happening in the Middle East?” or “I just got my Justin Bieber concert tickets and can’t wait to go,” which are typical topics of discussion amongst friends, family, and fellow workers. At this time of year those phrases are replaced by things like, “Did you fill out your bracket yet?” “You picked who to go to the Final Four?” “Well there goes my bracket…it’s completely busted,” and “I knew I should have picked that team.” Nothing seems to be able to bring people together like March Madness, where it is the individual against the masses in bracket pools across the country in hopes of predicting the eventual winners, all in the spirit of friendly competition… and of course a little cash to sweeten the deal. Whether you are a sports fan or art fan, Jew or Muslim, Republican or Democrat, nothing can bring two sides together like the bracketology of March Madness.

The greatest thing about March Madness is that you don’t have to be an expert or even a fan of college basketball for that matter to be able to do well in a madness bracket. In fact, often times knowing less is better when it comes to filling out the coveted brackets. It’s one of the few things in this world where the less work you put into it, the more you will get back, which (INTERESTING FACT ALERT) is why democrats as a whole usually do much better than republicans on their brackets. I’ve seen people who didn’t watch a game all season long win their pools because they didn’t spend as much time contemplating the intricacies of each individual matchup like some of the scholars of the game would. As they say (and by they, I mean the so called experts who usually do poorly in the end), when it comes to March Madness, expect the unexpected.

It is for this reason that I am offering my services today: the 3 best ways for filling out a bracket and ensuring that you finish in the top 25% or better in your bracket pool. These are tried and tested methods that have been proven over the course of years of intensive studies. So without any further adieu, here are the methods for filling out a winning bracket.

The first method is to choose your bracket according to team uniforms. I know it sounds funny but try it and I think you’ll end up pleasantly surprised. Look at the matchups and decide which uniform you like best of the two teams and pick them to advance. Or you could do the opposite and decide which uniform you dislike the most and choose that one to advance. Either way be consistent (either advance the ones you like or the ones you dislike, but don’t mix it up) throughout the bracket and you’ll be amazed at the results. (Hint: I like to consider shoes as part of the uniform. The reason for this is because I once picked a bracket using the uniform method but didn’t consider the shoes as part of the equation and finished seventh in my pool of 30 people. But I learned my lesson and the very next year, after taking shoe style into major consideration, I jumped to second place in my pool of 40. The shoes made a huge difference. You’ll be surprised at how often you may really like a uniform but hate the shoes, or love the shoes but hate the uniform. Going with just the uniforms is really basing your pick on just half of the information.)

The second method is very similar to the first but involves team mascots. Don’t look at it as Team A versus Team B. instead look at it, for example, as the Wolverines versus the Buckeyes. Decide for yourself who you think would legitimately win if they were thrown into a ring with each other, and advance that particular team. Some of you who are looking at my example might be saying “well that’s easy then, the Wolverines would beat the Buckeyes every time,” but if you do a little digging you will find that a Buckeye is in fact a poisonous seed. So sure, maybe a seed seems harmless sitting in a ring with a wolverine, but what would happen if the wolverine happened to eat that seed? I’ll tell you what, it would probably kill it. And not just kill it but sprout in the wolverine’s dead carcass to become a large healthy buckeye tree whose roots disintegrate and obliterate any sign of life that once inhabited that poor animal. So yeah, don’t just assume the wolverine would win every time. Do your homework and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at your accuracy.

Finally, the third and probably most accurate method for picking teams in the bracket is the coin toss. That’s right, the good old fashioned tossing of the coin and assigning each team either the head or tail. (side note: this also works quite well when taking tests.) Let the coin gods decide your bracket fate. This method is as good as using a Ouija board but a lot less scary and you don’t have to sign your soul over to the devil to do it.

So there you have it folks. A surefire way, or should I say three sure fire ways, to pick a winning bracket. Don’t thank me now…go out and try it, and then after you’ve been wildly successful in your own March Madness pool, come back to thank me by posting on my blog. Seriously though, best of luck to you budding March Madness bracketologists out there. See you in the Final Four.

You Got Jimmered

One word, two syllables: Jimmer. As in Jimmer Fredette, the name that's sweeping the country in men's college basketball. Never in the history of college basketball has a name meant so much or carried so much weight. But before I get started, let's review our word of the day. The word of the day is Gerund. A gerund itself is a noun, but by definition a gerund is a word having the characteristics of both a noun and a verb. It's true, I looked it up in my handy Merriam-Webster dictionary. So in other words, Jimmer although human (which is being hotly debated by anyone who has played him or had the unfortunate assignment to guard him) is now also widely considered a gerund in the sport of basketball.

How is it that a person can go from being your average unknown all American kid from a small town (Glens Falls) in upstate New York into an overnight sensational gerund? Not easily. It takes lots of hard work, dedication, hours of practicing in the hallways of your local church, testing yourself against inmates at a local prison as service, and coaching from an older brother (T.J. Fredette) who is determined to teach you the skills and grit necessary to make something of yourself someday.

When you first see Jimmer - if you're like me, an average sports fan who believes they are an expert in whatever sport it is we are discussing - you would probably think like I did that Jimmer looked like a kid who had lost his parents and somehow wandered his way on to the basketball court. You would say he doesn't belong in a backyard game of horse let alone on the basketball court of a Division I school. He is a 6'2" unathletic looking kid who looks as if he might still be in the process of losing some baby fat. His shot - with his left hand resting almost completely on top of the ball as it leaves his hand rather than on the side of the ball where the experts say it should be - looks as if he could use a little one-on-one time with the local middle school basketball coach. (Then again, after watching Jimmer play, I'm beginning to wonder if the shooting experts know what they are talking about.) If someone asked me to describe the way he runs down the court, I would have to take pause. I wouldn't exactly use the word run to describe it - I think a better choice of words would be loaf. He loafs down the court. There just doesn't seem to be anything about this kid that makes you think he's a baller.

But don't let this less-than-stellar description deceive you. After all, why would I be writing an article about him if he wasn't something short of spectacular on the court? Jimmer has an arsenal of ability that no one man alone should legally be able to possess, like the President of the United States and his ability to launch nuclear missiles with a touch of a button. Looking at him, you wouldn't think Jimmer possesses such ability - but he does, and he uses it wisely. He uses it to his advantage as he schools opposing teams on a regular basis, firing at will with deadly accuracy. Jimmer is like the F-22 raptor - when he's out on the court, watch out. He's stealthy, crafty, and quicker than you think, and before you know it he has lit you up by hitting everything he throws up between the inbounds and half court lines. It happens so fast at times it's almost painless. You might scarcely even believe it happened, until you hear the crowd around you suddenly chanting, "You got Jimmered!" {clap, clap, clap, clap, clap} You know, the gerund. The man who became a verb - a thing you do to someone.

Just ask Utah, BYU's biggest rival. He drilled them for 47 points on January 11, on Utah's home court mind you, which included a buzzer beater half court shot at the end of the first half that had every BYU fan in the universe howling with delight. By the time the game was over, everyone from Utah - the players, the coaches, the fans - had the same expression on their faces that you might see on a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Jimmer Fredette was the car. Before the game they actually thought they had a chance, but by the end, like so many others, they got Jimmered. (It was on this night that I realized I might actually have a man crush on Jimmer. I thought it was only appropriate to tell my wife, who giddily reassured me by saying that she did too.)

However, 40+ points per game is not abnormal for "the Jimmer." This is one of the things that makes him so much fun to watch. Just ask the University of Arizona who witnessed, first hand, the thrill and excitement of getting Jimmered. The game was played on December 28, 2009 and Jimmer unleashed a fury of points (49 to be exact) on Arizona's home court before leaving the game with almost 3 full minutes left to go to a standing ovation from the home crowd out of respect for what they all just saw. In the words of Nike, we are all witnesses.

But I digress. We're not talking about last year, we are discussing this season where Jimmer has already rallied off 42 points against Colorado State on their home court, just after a game against UNLV where he scored 39 on their home court. Sadly, yes, Jimmer's heroic 39 point game against UNLV fell short of 40 points by just one point. That was some quick calculating on my part to figure that out, so you may want to double check the math on that just to be safe.

His best performance, however, would come against the #4 ranked team in the country, San Diego State. The game was heralded as the biggest game in Mountain West Conference history before it even started. Jimmer must have certainly gotten that memo because he drop kicked San Diego State for 43 points right where it counts, on a night when the rest of the BYU team struggled offensively. School was in session and Jimmer, the prized pupil, had all the answers. If there was any doubt before as to who was the best player in college basketball, it was most certainly answered on this night as the crowds of BYU fans rushed the court in hopes of getting a piece of Jimmer as soon as the final whistle ended the game. It was a scene that could not be forgotten: Jimmermania was now in full effect.

His performance was so inspiring it had even Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma Thunder tweeting about it after his own 47 point night. Kevin Durant tweeted, "Jimmer Fredette is the best scorer in the world!!" John Wall, The Washington Wizards starting guard, also tweeted, "Jimmer Fredette is cold! Respect." Not bad coming from a couple of the best players in the NBA, a place Jimmer hopes to be soon. It seems as if everyone wants to be a part of Jimmerfest.

So what about the naysayers who feel that Jimmer isn't athletic enough to make it in the NBA? They say it will be much harder for Jimmer to be Jimmer when he's going against the much taller, faster and more athletic players at the next level. Maybe they're right, but then again, maybe they're wrong. They should talk to the players and teams who have gone against him, only to be Jimmered. Teams double and sometimes triple team him and yet he still scores and makes plays. Teams will place their fastest and most athletic guys on Jimmer only to have him blow past them on his way to the basket. They try to use height to slow him down and he just drives past them or shoots over them. Front him and he'll blow past you. Play off him and he'll shoot the lights out on you from anywhere considered in bounds. I've seen him elevate above the tallest and drive past the most athletic of players day in and day out. And he has a wicked crossover that leaves his opponents on the ground with their jockstraps around their ankles. If you're trying to stop "the Jimmer," Fredette about it (Get it? I used his last name instead of the word forget. Clever ,I know). He can't be stopped.

Jimmer Fredette is probably the best shooter the MWC has ever seen. You know when he has the ball that he's going to score. It's not so much a matter of if but how. Will it be a layup, a pull up shot off the dribble or a 40 footer? In fact he's such a natural scorer that if he doesn't at least hit one 40 footer or score at least 40 points in a game, fans go home a bit disappointed and the national media credits the opposing defense with slowing "the Jimmer" down. That's what happened in BYU's last game against New Mexico where they lost to the Lobos in The Pit. Jimmer scored 32 points, but that wasn't enough to give the Cougars a win. For anyone else, 32 points would be considered a phenomenal game, but for Jimmer it was an off night caused by the stellar defensive play by the Lobos. Come on people, it was 32 points for crying out loud!

Jimmer's precision and accuracy would most accurately be compared to a heat seeking missile - when he's locked on target there is very little you can do about it except pray and hope for the best. His range is so long that announcers in other games are now referring to anything 3 feet or more past the three point line as "Jimmer range." So apparently his name is also now being used as an adjective - as in a word that describes his sick, nasty, wicked, outrageous, crazy range. Is there even a name for that? A word that can be used as an adjective, a noun, and a verb? I already looked up the other word so I'll let you the bookwork on this one. I have a feeling that "Jimmered" is a one of a kind.

So what can be done to stop Jimmermania from sweeping this country? Absolutely nothing. You may as well join in, because otherwise you'll end up like everyone else who has tried to stop Jimmer - shaking your head in bewilderment. Whatever you do, don't end up Fredetting (get it, I substituted his gerund in place of the word regretting) your chance to see this phenomenal player in action. Before you know it he'll have dumped 40+ points on your team and moved on to the NBA.

I'll Cry if I Want To

There are very few things that make a grown man cry. In fact I can only think of five. Here they are in no particular order:

• The movie "Old Yeller" (come on, it is a movie about a man's best friend)
• Watching your favorite sports team lose in a close, hard fought game.
• Having to buy your wife or girlfriend feminine products and then to running into someone you know while at the store with said products in hand.
• Finding out the person you're in love with is a vegetarian.
• Discovering a new all-you-can-eat buffet where you live.

Yep, I think that about sums it all up.

Trust me. I'm an Expert.

In the game of golf there are good golfers, there are bad golfers, and there are Experts. A person who is good at golf is someone who can score really low...period...and a bad golfer is one who typically scores quite high, but who will score low enough just often enough to keep his golf habit alive. But one of the things I most love about golf is that a person doesn't have to actually be good in order to be an Expert. An Expert at golf is someone who can coach or critique others in the sport but may not necessarily be good themselves. I've noticed through the years that there are a lot of Experts in golf. I should know...I am one myself.

When someone hits a bad shot it is easy to point to something that may or may not have contributed to the genesis of the poor shot. The mere mention of these observations of another's swing is what makes one appear to be an Expert. You see, the golf swing has hundreds of components and pieces that must come together with perfect complexity in order to make the right connection of the clubface hitting the ball and therefore creating what we call in golf lingo, a "good shot." It takes just one of those pieces to be missing or misplaced and you end up with what golfers would call a "bad shot," which also goes by other creative pseudonyms such as, "damn it", "why?", "where did that come from!", "I hate this game", or for the worst of all bad shots, "I quit."

There is never a shortage of reasons for why the bad shot happened, nor is there ever a shortage of fellow golfers who are willing to point out what caused it. Your stance was too narrow. Your stance was too wide. You had your clubface open at impact. Your clubface was closed at impact. You're swinging too far away from your body. You're swinging much too close to your body. Your arms were too bent. Your arms were too straight. Your weight was all on your toes. Your weight was back on your heels. Your head popped up, your butt was out too far, your hips swung out...blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah, and blah.

Never mind my score. Forget the fact that you are actually beating me. What I'm telling you will change your game and take you to that next level. Trust me, I'm an Expert. I have an eye for these things.

That's why I think being a caddie would be such an easy job. You're not playing, you're just telling the player what to do.

"Go pitching wedge. Definitely pitching."

"Are you sure? I was thinking a strong nine. I don't think I'll get there with a pitching."

"Trust me, it's the pitching wedge you want. It'll put you right in the center of the green."

"All right."

The ball is struck and falls ten yards short of the green.

"See. I told you I should have gone nine."

"No, it was the right club. You just had the clubface closed a bit at impact and were swinging off of your toes. Trust me. I'm an Expert."